In behalf of Sarah's family, I have been asked to let as many of her friends know that she lost the baby. She is in the hospital and heavily sedated. Please keep her in your prayers and be ready to give her a lot of love and support at this time.They know that we kept in contact over the Internet and felt it was better for me to post something than for her to have to explain her situation right now. They didn't want everyone asking where she was... how is the baby etc...Having gone through this 4 times myself, it is a devastating time for them. We all wish them great comfort, our love, and our heartfelt prayers at this time. We love them with all our hearts.
Our family has been through some rough times over the years with childbearing and due to circumstances that have taken place with this family friend, I felt compelled to share some of my thoughts with you...
Finding out that you carry life within you is an indescribable feeling. Regardless of what society says, you feel their little spirits bond with you immediately. In 1994 I carried an angel baby to term and she passed away within 3 hrs of her birth. I was grateful for the gospel in my life and the knowledge of Heavenly Father's plan. I knew that we came from the spirit world to earthly life to gain a body. Most of us have to stay here and go trough trials to perfect our spirits to return to Heavenly Father. Others like my Shaina Rose only needed her body to complete her task here on earth. Her spirit was so pure as to only have to brush through this life briefly. Heavenly Father made it as easy on me as He could. I had the joy of carrying her without knowledge that any thing was wrong, I felt her life inside me, I got to see her stare into my eyes and speak to my soul to say "Mommy I love you , but I can't stay!" We let her go back to Heavenly Father with the knowledge that we will one day have the opportunity to raise her and get to know her in our next estate. She never had to suffer the crulties of this world and her exhaltation is sure. Now we have to live worthy to be with her every day of our lives.
Having this knowledge however still doesn't ever completely fill the void of her companionship. I still long for the day when I can again hold her and get to know her personally. Until then I know she is on her Father's errand.....I was awakened after crying myself to sleep one evening by a little boy standing by my bed saying "mommy be patient, I'm coming" I knew that although I didn't have the opportunity to raise my Shaina, Heavenly Father still had plans for my family.
After Shaina's passing I found myself pregnant 5 month's later. At 8 weeks I had not had my first appointment yet with the Dr. One evening I had excruciating pain in my abdomen and some spotting. My husband drove me to the ER and I found that my pregnancy was ectopic ( in the fallopian tube) I was hemorrhaging internally and my blood pressure and heart rate dropped. They did emergency surgery on me and my heart stopped on the table. They pulled me out of it and by a miracle The baby had not ruptured my tube, but was on the outside edge of the tube going to the ovary. The baby had gotten so large that instead of rupturing my tube and losing use of that tube, the tube was separated from my ovary and it was able to be reattached.
In the summer of 1996, I again was pregnant and because of my previous ectopic pregnancy, I was sent at 7 weeks to have an ultrasound. The technician was extremely quite and said I need to see the Dr immediately but wouldn't tell me why. I got a phone call from the Dr. They said they needed to do emergency surgery immediately. I felt a whispering to mt spirit that said "Don't have the surgery !" My Dr. freaked out, yelled at me and said I could die. They kept calling me all day so I left with my parents camping and while I was there I passed the baby. When I got back all the tissue was gone and everything was fine. I f I had the surgery, the Dr. may have taken the tube as the baby was in the middle and I would have lost my chances of having another baby. A year later I delivered a beautiful baby boy Aaron came into our lives and our family was complete. I'm glad I listened to the promptings I was given. There are so many things in life that we don't understand and may never understand, but I know that God does and he will never forsake us in our time of need. We just need to leave that part of our spirit open and live our lives the best we can so we are in tune to hear Him.
I found out that I was pregnant again in 2005 and was shocked. I had prayed that if God had another child for me that it would be soon after Aaron so they would be close in age. There was such an age gap between Eric and Aaron. He it is 8 years later and I'm pregnant. Feelings of inadequecy poured through my thoughts and soul. It took me until the ultrasound at 8 weeks to come to terms with the pregnancy. I saw the baby's heartbeat and felt all was well until My Dr kept making appointments for me weekly and couldn't get a heartrate in the office. I was sent to ultrasound again at 12 weeks and as usual the technician was quiet and said I needed to go back across the street and see the Dr. again. I had seen enough ultrasounds, that I knew I hadn't seen a heart rate and the baby hadn't grown much since the last one. I had gone to the visit alone when I was told to go home and wait for the baby to pass by itself if possible. This was 4 days before my oldest daughter's wedding reception. I felt so numb knowing I still looked pregnant, but no life was in me. I started miscarying the day of the reception and passed the baby. It was terrifying to me, my husband and my mother. I made it to an hour of the reception and came home in pain. The baby had been gone for at least 3-4 weeks. I hadn't passed the rest of the tissue so had to have an in office D&C with no anethesia. It was so painful. I pray none of my girls will have to go through so many trial when their time comes to have children.
A dear friend of my girls has had a rough experience with the loss of a child and my heart pours out to her. One of my favorite sayings that keeps me going is... " I never said it would be easy, but I said it would be worth it!
