Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Trials strengthen faith
Last night My dad had a priesthood blessing from one of the members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My mom got there this morning and the nurses called in the Dr to check him because for the first time they could hear bowl movements and sound,and his stomach was not distened and hard but soft and supple. His intestines have had no sound or movement since hospitalization and he hasn't eaten for 3 days. They had pumped everything out of him. The Dr said he didn't know how it could be possible(We know how!), because they were talking about either the risk of doing surgery to unblock the intestine and get it functioning or him dying from the poisoning. He had all the signs of bleeding internally.Doing surgery was a bad option as we had been told he'd probably never withstand anesthesia again, it would have probably killed him. Daddy is more at ease, his blood pressure and heart rate are back to normal and they took the tube out of his stomach late this afternoon to start giving him food. He is still not totally out of the woods yet. We will see if the food passes through the bowel. We also don't know if he is still bleeding internally until they see the stool. God had once again performed miracles and blessed our family. He is so much better today and I feel we have been so sent angels to care for him! I have prayed that if it be his time to return home to take him quickly so to not suffer any more and if not be, that the Dr would find out what was wrong and help him. He still must have some unfinished business here...maybe to build our testimonies of faith, I don't know, but he spared Daddy's life this last week for some reason. I still know our time with him is short, but I also know that the Lord will call him home when He is ready to call him home. I hope he can go home and leave this world peacefully at the appointed time from his home and bed with mother with him calm and not in distress, not in turmoil, looking at tubes and hospital equiptment. I close this blog in awe, humbled and grateful for my faith and a loving Father in Heaven!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Life is one trial after another, thank heavens for the blessings!
I have my van back finally. It took $7800+ to fix it. Yikes. For an accident that involved speed under 15mph. It terrifies me to think what would have happened at the normal speed on the road of 45mph. I am watched over, very blessed and grateful for car insurance!
There have been so many trials in our family of late and this week had to be one of the hardest I've had. I went home on the 7th of November for my dad's 91st birthday. I encouraged my children to come with me as every day with him here is a miracle. Only Aaron and myself went. Every visit home is harder as I see my dad slowly slip away from us. He is slow of speech and his words are very hard to understand. He usually stares or sleeps most of the day and can usually shout out mommy for my mother to come help him. He with much effort can usually voice some needs and concerns.He doesn't react to us there much, but if I would put his face in front of mine and say" Daddy it's Nancy, I'm home!" He would get a sparkle in his eyes and flash me a smile. This weekend no matter what I did, I got no reaction from him. I showed him pictures of the kids and his new great grand baby and he stared blankly. I feed him cuddled him and nothing. He was wheezing in his left lung and we were giving him nebulizer treatments. He seemed to choke on everything and then the wheezing got worse. All of my sibling came down and it was nice to spend the time with them. I didn't go to church on Sunday as I usually do being the only active member. Daddy seemed even worse. He again got choked and I would hold his arms high above his head so he could try to get air in his lungs. I said daddy are you okay and he got out the words "NO". These were the first I was able to understand for the weekend. I held him in my arms and rubbed his head and his breathing calmed down enough for him to sleep a bit. I leaned down and kissed him on the head and said " Daddy I love you so much!" He heard me and began to try in guttural sounds to speak. It took quite a while before he was able to get the words " Me Too!" out. I wish I could in words describe the active, vibrant, hard working, prideful, independent man my father was just a short few years ago. It tears me apart to see him so frail and sickly. He used to tell us when my grandmother was in the nursing home, don't ever let me get to be like this! I know he hates having to depend on everyone and hates not being able to communicate. I know my mother is afraid to be alone and holds on to every precious moment she can get with my dad. Part of me wants to pray him well and the other part wants to see him free of this awful world and safe in my Father in Heaven's arms. Then I feel guilty. I can't stand the thought of him being gone, but this trip I couldn't feel his soul and spirit with me hardly at all. The veil between life and death is very thin now and growing thinner. He keeps asking to go see his mother and father who have both passed away. When my mom talks about us girls coming to see him, he makes comments like " I won't be here and When are my sister coming (they too have already passed away). A short time before his mother passed away she would say that my grandpa had come to visit her and said he'd be coming for her soon. I wonder if this is why he keeps asking for his parents and sisters. I fear that my time is very short here on earth with my father. On Sunday we ate lunch before we had to return home for Aaron to go back to school. Daddy slept all day and he didn't wake up to eat lunch with us. I kept stalling to go home and when he did finally eat, he began moaning with every bite. I told mom he sounded miserable like gas or stomach. His stomach was distended and hard and he kept rocking forward and backward. I asked my brother and brother in law if the could get daddy up and hold him on each side and get him moving to see if maybe gas would pass. They did but Daddy didn't seem to get any relief. Mom went to change him on the hospital bed and he just couldn't get back up. I reluctantly kissed him goodbye and my mom put him to bed. I usually bawl all the way home, but this time I was just numb. It seemed like I said goodbye the last time I was home and all that was there was the vessel or shell of the dad I used to know. I almost turned around over the mountain range and went back home, but I also had an obligation to my son's schooling. I called home as soon as we got over the mountain pass and mother said Daddy's temp spiked and he began vomiting about a half hour after I left. It was so hard to continue driving home. He ended up in the hospital with pneumonia again and obstruction and air pockets in his intestine. They asked mother for her health directive for daddy should they have to do emergency surgery as his bowel could rupture. He was given a blessing and after 3 days his bowel cleared. He is still in discomfort and is still running a temp. They almost lost him again the night before last when his heart rate was extremely fast and he couldn't get any air in his lungs. They again asked mother what to do if his heart should stop. I wonder if my Dad will come home from this one. To anyone who is reading please keep our family in your prayers. I am sorry for the sad post, but this is my journal and place of venting. I needed to get it out.
Steve's dad had spell of non recognition of family members with his Alzheimer's and can be quite mean and rough with his mom. The last few months have seemed to get worse and worse. There has been much contention among the sibling with the stress and again we see Satan try to divide and conquer the family unit. This last weekend Steve's dad didn't recognize anyone and wanted to know where his wife was and when he could go home. This usually passes within an hour to 48 hrs. This time it lasted days. He woke up in the middle of the night Monday and Steve's mom tried to help him get to the bathroom. He didn't recognize her and told her to get out and started hitting her (has happened quite often and is getting worse) She called Steve's sister who had to call 911. They tried to talk him down, but he kept saying he wanted to go home and he'd never hit his wife. They finally had to sedate him and take him to the hospital. Steve's mom and the kids had to make a decision with the social workers as what to do and they finally had to decide on a nursing home for Mom's safety. This is another hard trial and decision for the family as he was abused in the last home they tried to place him. We found out that the facility he went to has two family members working there and one of them will be directly caring for Dad, so that comes with some relief.
I am so grateful that when I feel like I am totally going to lose it and fall into a dark hole I can turn to my Father in Heaven and say I've done all I can do and I can't go any farther, I give this burden to you and ask you to carry me in your loving arms for a while til I can stand on my own two feet again. After a day of crying and praying and going to the temple I have felt him pick me up and He is carrying me. He loves me so much regardless of how unworthy I feel at time of such tremendous blessings. I don't know how people make it through life alone and without him.
There is stress in my marriage because of upcoming events in my children's lives and the trials of life pulling us in too many directions. This too I pray will mend and heal with God's help. I knew one day this would come. I thought I would be prepared, and I wasn't! But this too will pass and I know I will be stronger because of it. I know God lives and loves me. I know families are eternal. I know if my faith doesn't waiver all will be well if I but can endure...........................
There have been so many trials in our family of late and this week had to be one of the hardest I've had. I went home on the 7th of November for my dad's 91st birthday. I encouraged my children to come with me as every day with him here is a miracle. Only Aaron and myself went. Every visit home is harder as I see my dad slowly slip away from us. He is slow of speech and his words are very hard to understand. He usually stares or sleeps most of the day and can usually shout out mommy for my mother to come help him. He with much effort can usually voice some needs and concerns.He doesn't react to us there much, but if I would put his face in front of mine and say" Daddy it's Nancy, I'm home!" He would get a sparkle in his eyes and flash me a smile. This weekend no matter what I did, I got no reaction from him. I showed him pictures of the kids and his new great grand baby and he stared blankly. I feed him cuddled him and nothing. He was wheezing in his left lung and we were giving him nebulizer treatments. He seemed to choke on everything and then the wheezing got worse. All of my sibling came down and it was nice to spend the time with them. I didn't go to church on Sunday as I usually do being the only active member. Daddy seemed even worse. He again got choked and I would hold his arms high above his head so he could try to get air in his lungs. I said daddy are you okay and he got out the words "NO". These were the first I was able to understand for the weekend. I held him in my arms and rubbed his head and his breathing calmed down enough for him to sleep a bit. I leaned down and kissed him on the head and said " Daddy I love you so much!" He heard me and began to try in guttural sounds to speak. It took quite a while before he was able to get the words " Me Too!" out. I wish I could in words describe the active, vibrant, hard working, prideful, independent man my father was just a short few years ago. It tears me apart to see him so frail and sickly. He used to tell us when my grandmother was in the nursing home, don't ever let me get to be like this! I know he hates having to depend on everyone and hates not being able to communicate. I know my mother is afraid to be alone and holds on to every precious moment she can get with my dad. Part of me wants to pray him well and the other part wants to see him free of this awful world and safe in my Father in Heaven's arms. Then I feel guilty. I can't stand the thought of him being gone, but this trip I couldn't feel his soul and spirit with me hardly at all. The veil between life and death is very thin now and growing thinner. He keeps asking to go see his mother and father who have both passed away. When my mom talks about us girls coming to see him, he makes comments like " I won't be here and When are my sister coming (they too have already passed away). A short time before his mother passed away she would say that my grandpa had come to visit her and said he'd be coming for her soon. I wonder if this is why he keeps asking for his parents and sisters. I fear that my time is very short here on earth with my father. On Sunday we ate lunch before we had to return home for Aaron to go back to school. Daddy slept all day and he didn't wake up to eat lunch with us. I kept stalling to go home and when he did finally eat, he began moaning with every bite. I told mom he sounded miserable like gas or stomach. His stomach was distended and hard and he kept rocking forward and backward. I asked my brother and brother in law if the could get daddy up and hold him on each side and get him moving to see if maybe gas would pass. They did but Daddy didn't seem to get any relief. Mom went to change him on the hospital bed and he just couldn't get back up. I reluctantly kissed him goodbye and my mom put him to bed. I usually bawl all the way home, but this time I was just numb. It seemed like I said goodbye the last time I was home and all that was there was the vessel or shell of the dad I used to know. I almost turned around over the mountain range and went back home, but I also had an obligation to my son's schooling. I called home as soon as we got over the mountain pass and mother said Daddy's temp spiked and he began vomiting about a half hour after I left. It was so hard to continue driving home. He ended up in the hospital with pneumonia again and obstruction and air pockets in his intestine. They asked mother for her health directive for daddy should they have to do emergency surgery as his bowel could rupture. He was given a blessing and after 3 days his bowel cleared. He is still in discomfort and is still running a temp. They almost lost him again the night before last when his heart rate was extremely fast and he couldn't get any air in his lungs. They again asked mother what to do if his heart should stop. I wonder if my Dad will come home from this one. To anyone who is reading please keep our family in your prayers. I am sorry for the sad post, but this is my journal and place of venting. I needed to get it out.
Steve's dad had spell of non recognition of family members with his Alzheimer's and can be quite mean and rough with his mom. The last few months have seemed to get worse and worse. There has been much contention among the sibling with the stress and again we see Satan try to divide and conquer the family unit. This last weekend Steve's dad didn't recognize anyone and wanted to know where his wife was and when he could go home. This usually passes within an hour to 48 hrs. This time it lasted days. He woke up in the middle of the night Monday and Steve's mom tried to help him get to the bathroom. He didn't recognize her and told her to get out and started hitting her (has happened quite often and is getting worse) She called Steve's sister who had to call 911. They tried to talk him down, but he kept saying he wanted to go home and he'd never hit his wife. They finally had to sedate him and take him to the hospital. Steve's mom and the kids had to make a decision with the social workers as what to do and they finally had to decide on a nursing home for Mom's safety. This is another hard trial and decision for the family as he was abused in the last home they tried to place him. We found out that the facility he went to has two family members working there and one of them will be directly caring for Dad, so that comes with some relief.
I am so grateful that when I feel like I am totally going to lose it and fall into a dark hole I can turn to my Father in Heaven and say I've done all I can do and I can't go any farther, I give this burden to you and ask you to carry me in your loving arms for a while til I can stand on my own two feet again. After a day of crying and praying and going to the temple I have felt him pick me up and He is carrying me. He loves me so much regardless of how unworthy I feel at time of such tremendous blessings. I don't know how people make it through life alone and without him.
There is stress in my marriage because of upcoming events in my children's lives and the trials of life pulling us in too many directions. This too I pray will mend and heal with God's help. I knew one day this would come. I thought I would be prepared, and I wasn't! But this too will pass and I know I will be stronger because of it. I know God lives and loves me. I know families are eternal. I know if my faith doesn't waiver all will be well if I but can endure...........................
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